Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Actions speak louder than pants.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
