guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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