I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
