Non-Jews are for practice
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
