census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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