At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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