i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
