I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
