My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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