Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
