i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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