I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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