Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
