OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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