Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
