bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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