i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My feet surprised me
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