Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
