I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
