at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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