Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
