he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
