I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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