woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
