I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
