Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
