he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
