I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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