If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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