i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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