Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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