I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
NoShamevember. You game?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
