I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
