i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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