Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
