So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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