He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
