If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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