you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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