***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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