You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
