You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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