Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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