well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
