Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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