you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
