quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
