Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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