Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
