Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
