"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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