i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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