After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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