Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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