I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
