My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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