This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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