I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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