I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
