so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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