are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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