You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
