Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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