Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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