I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
