He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
