I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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