how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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