Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She bit a glass in half.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
