Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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