I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
