I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
