9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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