Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
