Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
