I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
