I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
