He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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