Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
