u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
